30 Things: Part 2

I know traditionally people usually list something they are grateful for each day. I’m not sure I’ll have the time to do that every night, so I might end up listing things in batches every couple days, with hopefully 30 at the end of the month. I imagine once I hit half way through the month, some of these might get interesting. I’ll probably post it to my Facebook at the end of the November or at the start of December. So if you’re here early–hi. There might be typos, spelling and grammar mistakes. I'm not doing a deep clean on this, so please excuse the mess. (Also, another blog post is coming soon. I like it, I'm just worried I'm repeating stuff I've already said in other blogs, so I need to go back and compare them to the new one.)

Scrolling down the list was getting ridiculous, so I'm splitting it up into thirds so it's hopefully easier to navigate. This is the second part.

11. My Sprocket

It’s easy to take things for granted, especially after I’ve had something for a while. My sprocket I think is one of those things. It’s basically a tiny little printer that will heat print (or however it does it. It doesn’t require ink). Over the course of a year, that little thing helps turn my planner into a journal/scrapbook of sorts as I’ll print off my stories from Facebook, or other pictures I like, and slap them down over each day. I like it. I’m able to remember the year better with miniature representations plastered across the weeks.

12. Self-Improvement

I learned a lot from writing and being in critique groups off and on for about ten years. One  lesson I learned was no matter how much you edited something, it was never done. Eventually, I (and several of my writing friends) had to learn how to put the red pen down and say “good enough,” before sending it off to agents, because if we didn't, we'd end up going over the same work forever. I saw it a couple of times when someone couldn't let their work go. They'd workshop the same book or chapters over and over again until they came full circle and were adding back in the same things they'd been told to take out when they first started. I think this happens because people have this weird idea that something has to be perfect before it can be deeply loved, when that's simply not true.

With writing, it is sometimes presented that writers have to hire a professional editor before sending a manuscript off. That's not true either. I think self development can be a little like that sometimes. I’ve heard it said more than once that some people need to go to therapy before they date anyone. Not everyone needs therapy, or a shelf full of self-help books–as if those things are somehow proof of personal development or healing. Those things can help, but they’re not some weird requirement for growth, just like hiring an editor doesn't guarantee a book will be published.

Something else I found valuable from writing was knowing when something needed to be changed, and it was described to me as The Rule of Two: if two or more people critiqued something about my writing, it was probably something I needed to re-evaluate and possibly change. And one of those two people could also include myself, if I agreed with the feedback someone gave me. 

And sometimes if multiple people critiqued something, and I disagreed, to think long and hard before ignoring them. Oftentimes, the group is right, but sometimes people will dogpile on someone's criticism just because it sounds good, but if analyzed is actually wrong. Someone can be confidently wrong about me or my writing, and if I'm not careful I'll believe them without actually sitting down and picking apart their critique and if it was actually fair. 

There was also good advice I learned from writing, like after finishing a draft to set it aside and forget it and work on something else before attempting to edit it. That time and fresh eyes would let me see what needed work more clearly.

This blog is a good example. Some posts I've edited better than others, and almost all of them I'll reread weeks or months after I've posted them and cringe as I realize typos or notice repetitions I could have condensed, or bloated wordy sentences. And then I remind myself it's posted and done, so let it go. I don't need to beat myself up over something already published. It’ll be fine, I just need to watch out for those mistakes and catch them in the next draft before I hit the publish button. (Except this post. I'll likely tighten it up a little before sharing it at the end of the month.)

I'm never going to be perfect, and if I go looking for something wrong, I'll always find it. It's about balance: self improvement is necessary to grow, but I have to move on too. If really needed, I can revisit it at a later time with fresher eyes. Editing and revisions taught me how to evaluate my own work and make fewer mistakes as I grew as a writer, and I think self awareness and personal development is similar in that regard. Trying to reevaluate my own behavior immediately after something happens might help me catch a few things at the moment, which is also good. In storytelling, that's called “scene and sequel.” That's the part in a book where there's usually a ton of page-turning action and excitement. But you can't have a book of nonstop action. If you do, you'll exhaust the reader, so you write a sequel for both the character and reader to slow down and reflect on what just happened before moving forward. But scene and sequel isn't editing, it's part of the story, and if I want to see where I can really improve I need to circle back later with more time and emotional distance to objectively look at what was going on.

And sometimes what I write is just objectively bad. But that's where I think the similarities between people and the writing process ends. Because even the first draft of a person is worth loving, while some first drafts of stories should just be sent to the shredder.

 I heard one quote on TikTok (sometimes it's not entirely toxic), that basically said “if you are trying to love yourself, then know that you already do.” That simply the act of wanting to is a sign that there is love for yourself already there. And that, I think, is important to remember at any point in trying to make myself better.

And for this entry, I guess I can sum it up by saying I'm grateful for being able to catch my own mistakes, knowing I probably won't catch all of them, but I'm improving all the same by being able to do even that much.

13. YouTube

It feels weird writing this one after the last. But I'm trying to keep this post a mix of short and long posts, with some more meaningful to me than others. So, for 13, I’m going to appreciate stupid YouTube drama, and some of my favorite channels.

Stupid YouTube drama

Stupid YouTube drama is just that—stupid. And completely entertaining. I like listening to recaps or gossip channels update me on niche YouTube lore of embarrassing proportions (so much so, I'm not even going to write out which once I know waaaay too much about). The toxic, the chaotic, the petty, and sometimes down right awful Internet personalities…I eat that up. Probably because I have one friend down here, so finding it in the wild is a little more difficult (hi, moving down with an eighteen month old, covid, and then the little-kid-fog years). 

I did find out one of my friends up in Utah loves deep dives into online messes as well, and we both agreed we need to cross share our favorite creators who cover it. 

I watch reality TV now and then, but not nearly as much as YouTube. Sometimes, I need to turn my brain off, and catching up on the latest train wrecks is somehow soothing.

The Interesting

At least interesting to me, so here are a few:

I like listening to a few professionals who make content on YouTube. Two are therapists that will cover movies or reality shows and go over mental health or behavior (90 Day Fiancé is a special brand of “these people need help.”)

I also like learning about body language, and there’s one really interesting individual called “Spidey” (it’s a nickname from working at a summer camp?), and from what I can tell, he’s one of the few who doesn’t sensationalize it. He often will review recent footage from interviews or interrogations, especially if they’re making the rounds on social media. 

I also like this one lawyer, named Emily, who tends to cover pop culture or popular trials and lawsuits. For a while she had a series called “coffee and cursey words,” because she loves both (though she’s probably had to clean it up a little due to YouTube’s policies). What I like is that she breaks down the legal jargon and explains what it means and how the court system, lawyers, and judges work. It sounds boring, but she makes it engaging with how she breaks it down. It’s been a while since I’ve listened to her, but I need to get back into her content (looking at her channel while I wrote this reminded me again why I like her content.) 

Basically, I’m grateful for a spot where I can both rot my brain with drama so shallow it makes parking lot puddles look deep, and watch videos that teach me something.

Here’s a few of the latter:

Emily D. Baker (The Lawyer’s Channel)

Cinema Therapy (A cheerful therapist and his more movie making friend laugh and discuss movies. It's usually really entertaining.) (I'm imbedding one of their recent ones, Back to the Future, below.)

Behavioral Arts (Body Language)

Psychology In Seattle (not as funny, but very informative). His old, but good, Goodwill Hunting analysis.

And of course, Crash Courses.

14. Thanks Mom, for the Fandom Love

I think I get the multiple fandom love from my mom (and the love for travel. I think my more adventurous side comes from her). My brother and sister weren't big into sci-fi or fantasy (with a few exceptions—correct me if I'm wrong, Ember), but my mom and I were. 

I'd come down the stairs, or arrive home on a Friday night as a teen, and find her sitting on the couch folding laundry and watching the sci-fi channel. She loves Star Trek, Dune, and Babylon 5 (all three are good and I really need to sit down and watch/read them, I just didn't back then), while I dove into Star Wars when I was probably ten during…probably Thanksgiving? (Well, that's a funny coincidence.) I'm pretty sure it was A New Hope. I remember being bored and watching TV when two robots waddled and rolled across the screen, and wondering “what is this?” I also remember thinking Mark Hamill was pretty dang cute, so there's my first celebrity crush—if you don't count the fox from Robin Hood. 

And after that, I begged my parents to get the VHS set, and then I'd watch the interviews of George Lucas in intros before the movies started saying how he wanted to do prequels and sequels to the original three. I was disappointed when my parents told me it wasn't going to happen. Lol.

 But my mom and I also both like Farscape—the show that decided to just jump the shark right out of the gate. I appreciate bonkers-weird and that show goes all out.

I'm sure there were others, but those are the big sci-fi ones I remember. 

She is just as into Harry Potter as me and my sister are (my sister might outdo me. She celebrates going back to Hogwarts every year), and Mom and my brother were the big Lord of the Rings fans, though I'm pretty sure we all enjoyed them.

And Superhero movies. She's a big fan of those too, or at least I'm pretty sure she is. I love them as well, but a lot of the movies came out when my kids were tiny, and my husband isn't the biggest fan, so I am woefully behind. Good news is, the genes carried on, because so far Quincy is game for everything I've shown him.

We watched Thor the other night, and after it was over we had a big teary-eyed conversation because we didn't watch them often enough and there were so many, and how on earth was a little boy supposed to pick which one next? He had a good point. We needed a better plan. So we're doing “Marvel Mondays” now and he and I are going to slowly work our way through them all. 

Star Wars? Check. When Hannah had insomnia around four (she still struggles), she’d fall asleep before the end of A New Hope. I thought Quincy would be the same at that age when his little developing brain wouldn't settle. I remember plopping him down on the couch, saying he could watch the movie while I meal prepped, and thinking he'd be asleep halfway through. Instead, he chatted and asked a whole lot of questions from the couch, and when the Death Star exploded, he cheered. Feels fitting it was A New Hope, because I finally felt some as he chatted about “the ship” and Darth Vader. That's another series we're slowly working through, though he may have been traumatized by Qui-Gon’s death. He was very adamant that 'the red guy' had to die.

It's fun sharing fandoms. I like bonding with my mom and Quin over them (and Hannah. She kinda likes Harry Potter). They're one of those fun things that you can share, and it's always exciting when someone else likes it too, and they just get it. So, I'm glad fandoms exist. I'm happy I have so many, even if I'm behind in almost all of them. I'll catch up, and then I'll have more to talk about. And I love that. 

(Bonus: I know Empire is technically better, but Return of the Jedi is my fave.)

Edit to add a text from my mom. Genetics are fun to see play out, and I think what she sent me helps continue to show how who we come from keeps echoing through us and our own kids. She said I could share it, so here it is (the 'us' is my mom and dad when they lived in Huntsville): 

15. Collections

A minimalist I am not. I am a magpie at heart. It's a bit of a problem sometimes. 

But I like fun things, and having multiple of those things. I have tarot decks, books, a lot of different fandoms memorabilia, board games, and probably the most embarrassing of them all…The Little Mermaid. 

Yes. The Disney one. Maybe it’s because it was the first Disney movie I remember seeing in theaters, and like a lot of three year old little girls, that was the movie. It’s not even my favorite Disney animation, but for whatever reason, it’s the one that Disney has me in a choke hold over. Remember “the vault”? Yeah, they still do that with the merchandise. It’s a problem.

I have a lot of my little collections in storage, and every now and then I'll rotate them out and they'll have their turn being displayed. But I probably need to do a ruthless purge of some of them. And I’m happy to say that I’ve gotten better at curbing a lot of my impulses when it comes to what I buy. 

The good news is all of this makes it really easy to shop for me. But collecting is fun. It makes me happy arranging them in my room/space or when I walk by them. It's little things like that. It kinda makes me feel that little kid joy feeling and I'll embrace it.

16. Adventures

It's funny how the older I get, the more I feel the itch to get out and go on more of these. I think there's always been a part of me that's been this way, but in the last few years in particular, I feel like it's expanding.

I love trying new things, seeing new places, and meeting new people. I like the pre-trip jitters, and the small jolts of fear before pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.

I read that the majority of people, as they approach and hit middle-age, tend to lean more into comfort than the novel, but a smaller subset goes the other direction. I think I already know what camp I fall into.

We only get one life. I want to live one worth telling about, and the only way that happens is if I look at what is comfortable and push that line a little further out. I want to be one of those older people I pass on the trails, with grey hair and sturdy walking sticks—who pass up the younger ones anyway. I like the physical challenge and the mental.

And I want to go on another adventure. I've been grateful for every one so far, because life doesn't get any easier, just more complicated. Sometimes it feels like the lows are getting lower, but also and the highs ever higher, and somewhere in the middle there's balance. And I think it's all beautiful. And seeing what else is out there, and going on little adventures, makes all of it richer and deeper.

17. The Sound of Water

It is incredibly late, but I didn't want to go to sleep without adding something. This weekend can be for the longer ones that I already have started but haven't finished yet. So tonight's is a simple one.

I love the sound of the rain, rivers, and the ocean. For the most part, I grew up listening to Texas thunderstorms. I always liked them—until Harvey (known now as 'the big one' of hurricanes). After Harvey, rain got a little scarier and it took awhile before I started to enjoy it again. I like going still and snuggle deep into a blanket. The best time is in the evening or night, as I sit near a window to watch and listen to a hard downfall and thunder booming in the distance.

I love the sound of waves breaking on the sand at the beach, or a bubbling brook or river. They're comforting. I enjoy feeling my body relax as I focus on the sounds the water makes. It helps calm me down and quiet my mind. I've thought of getting a little water foundation to put on the counter, but right now wouldn't be the best time to try that. Mando would likely try to rip it off the counter and trot around the living room with it.

But I love the sound of water. It's one of those things that has an oddly calming effect.

18. “Pity Parties”

There's a positive to this, I promise. Just stick with me for a second while I explain why I'm grateful for this one.

I am an enneagram 4 with an unusually strong 5 wing, and I think I fall in the higher "average" to lower "healthy" level ranges, depending on what's going on in my life. That sentence probably made no sense, but the enneagram is a personality test. I'll likely list it at some point as an entry and explain what a lot of that meant, because it's been seriously useful.

But I'm basically both emotional and analytical–usually about my internal world. If I'm not careful, this can be a potential problem when I'm stressed because I can sometimes end up becoming a little self-absorbed. Ruminating in an endless loop isn't a marker of great mental health. Processing is good. Ruminating until my brain feels like it’s going to melt? Not good. I'm actively trying to learn how to interpret myself when I notice I'm beating the dead horse, and the good news is I’m staying stuck less often.

A lot of those thoughts are linked to things stressing me out, which usually falls under one of three categories:

• Things that I don’t know how to fix

• Stuff I can do something about, but it’s slow a process

• And things that are simply beyond my control

Lately, I've had multiple stressors pile up, and while I can normally carry a lot emotionally, everyone can hit a breaking point. There have been days when even if I’m overall happy at the moment, I can feel myself emotionally hanging by the thinnest of threads under the surface. It’s the knowledge that if one more thing, no matter how minor, happens, then I’m going to lose it–whether I want to or not. I might scream. I might burst into tears. Who knows what will happen. It’ll be like one of those little mystery toys sold at Target.

If I say I’m good but I need a break, I’m usually feeling that thin thread pulling uncomfortably taunt. I’ve learned the hard way what happens when the thread snaps, but it was a useful lesson.

Emotional fatigue and a bad mood are not the same thing, though being emotionally worn out can very quickly tip that way for me. I've been trying to add more tools to my kit for days like that to shift me into a better head space. A good workout, calling someone just to chat, or putting on something funny from YouTube or Netflix usually helps.

But sometimes I just feel emotionally flooded and a deeper type of exhausted. It’s a weird feeling because I still might be upbeat, but I know it’s a more fragile kind and I feel tired from the effort.

I've also learned that when everything stressing me out decides to want space in my head at the same time, and I can’t seem to shift my mood or move on no matter how hard I try, then nothing will fix it other than a pity party.

And I have rules for those so I don't stay in that state. 

1. Just accept the stress and admit I’m tired. This is the biggest one. Just accepting the reality, and telling myself I’m tired and allowed to be. That I get one day to wallow and feel sorry for myself. I don’t have to solve anything. That it’s okay to rest and disengage from my own internal conflict. It’s ‘I’m not moving on, but I’m also refusing to keep spending energy on this.’ 

2. No to-do list, no errands, and no projects. No chores, if not for the whole day, then at least half of it.

3.  Don't invite other people. This is a party for one, but if someone crashes it, they're welcome to stay. In other words, I don’t ruin someone else's day, but if anyone wants to hangout while I mope and feel sorry for myself, then ok. They can try to cheer me up, but they’re not allowed to tell me to move on.

4. Do something self-care related, like wear a funny shirt and go see Frankenstein or some other movie. There’s always the gun range or I could cruise the mall. 

5. And finally, like any party, once it's over, I gotta move on.

The whole point of having a day of no expectations for myself, including trying to make myself feel better, is it lets my brain and emotions relax. It seems to work. Instead of pressure, things sort of settle for a while. I usually feel a little better by the time I go to bed, and definitely the next morning.

I don’t often have days like that, but every now and then, when things start stacking on top of each other, a day or half a day like that really helps. I’m grateful I figured out something that lets me catch my breath before I keep going. It’s been one of the better things I’ve found out in the past year, and I’m really glad I did.

19. Theodore Roosevelt & Alice Roosevelt

This one is a dumb one, but I don’t care. 

I’m grateful for President Theodore Roosevelt, because without him, we wouldn’t have our National Parks. And I love those. That’s no secret. So, I’m grateful he had the foresight to protect and save them for future generations.

Now the rest of this entry is going to be about his chaos goblin daughter.

I really need to get her biography and other books about Alice because the woman was an absolute hellion. She’s making the list with her dad because every time I bump into something new about her, I’m usually just in awe that anyone could have a personality that big.

After everything I’ve read, I believe him.

Here’s a bunch of fun facts, so you can be glad you don’t have an agent of chaos as your offspring and also just be amused:

• When Teddy Roosevelt told her she wasn’t allowed to smoke under his roof (the White House), she showed malicious compliance and smoked on the roof instead.

• She rode in cars with boys (scandalous at the time), smoked, partied, and drank.

• Had a pet snake named Emily Spinach–partly named after an aunt. She carried it around with her in her purse, including to parties and social gatherings…because she liked to freak people out with it. 

• She was so social that once in the span of 15 months she went to 407 dinners, 350 balls, and 300 parties.

• On a cruise in Japan, she jumped into the pool fully clothed and somehow convinced a congressman to do the same. 

• She cut her own wedding cake with a sword while she wore a blue dress.

• Remember the quote, "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me?" Yeah. That was her.

• And according to Wikipedia: In the official statement marking her death, President Carter wrote "She had style, she had grace, and she had a sense of humor that kept generations of political newcomers to Washington wondering which was worse—to be skewered by her wit or to be ignored by her."

  
  

There is more. Lots more. But for now, that’s what I’ve got. But ultimately, she is a legend and I love her for it. Every time I learn something new about her, I usually laugh. And while I love the national parks more, hearing about the stunts she pulled ranks pretty close up there.

20. Humor

I can be too serious sometimes, so I love it when I find shows, comedians, or people that pull me out of that. I like clever set ups, innuendos, double entendres, puns, funny stories, satire, sometimes dirty jokes, and jokes with layers to them. I can handle crass or taboo subjects, if I think the teller can actually pull it off (and then I’m laughing and impressed). Sarcasm usually flies right over my head, but I normally can catch dry humor, or that wink and a nod type. And the just plain silly or goofy usually makes me smile. 

Growing up, my parents liked Jeff Foxworthy (you might be a redneck) and Bill Engvall (here’s your sign). But other than that, I wasn’t too familiar with many others. College introduced me to John Stewart, funnily enough because I had a few professors who showed clips of him in class (freedom of speech related). But it wasn’t until maybe Covid that I started watching a few on Netflix or YouTube.

But I didn’t think I liked any comedians for a long time. Turns out that I like several. Trevor Noah, Pete Davidson, Daniel Sloss, and more recently Josh Johnson. There are others, but those are some of the ones I’ve either seen or watched specials of.

I like finding others I’m not as familiar with, but I need to remember to look them up when I run across their clips on social media.

I don’t find everything funny. There’s definitely types of humor that will have me rolling my eyes, cringing, or just land wrong for me. But I’m grateful for the different types of ways I do find myself laughing. I do believe laughter can be healing. It’s been proven to be a good stress reliever and in general good for your health. I don’t think I laugh often enough, so I’m always grateful when I find someone or something that does. 

(This will be the end of part 2. Part 3 will have the rest of them.)

Part 1 includes: The Gym, Social Media, Animals/Pets, Aging, Going Back to School, Airplanes, People are Good, I Hate This City, Books!, and Men

Part 3 includes: Less scared of Snakes (mostly), My Health, Hobbies, Family, Podcasts, Enneagram, My Psychology Class, Self-expression, Friends, This Past Year