Story Time: "There! Right there!"

I told my sister and friend about this, and they both laughed. DnD Short story time, where my overthinking decides to join the game.

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About an hour before I left for the Velvet Oak, I pulled out my phone and finally responded to a message on Discord. I’d joined Barhaven’s group early on and had slowly been friending people there so we could let each other know if we were going on certain nights. 

I was fairly certain he was the one who’d worn an incredibly tight white shirt with cartoon bubble letters spelling “meow meow” stretched across his chest, and the sleeves slightly rolled up over his biceps. He was on the shorter side, and I think he had his dark hair pulled back in a ponytail and wore thick-rimmed glasses? He’d been pretty friendly, and I think he had a friend with him the night we played. 

For this blog, we’ll call him “Bill.” He’d been asking me on Discord for the last few weeks if I was going, but it hadn’t worked out yet. One weekend I had taken the kids to a movie, another was Las Vegas, and the next, Bill had gone to Maine. But Bill was going to the tavern that night, and I figured I’d text him and let him know I was too.

Here’s the thing with DnD nights—they’re incredibly inclusive, or at least the Barhaven one is (I don’t have much experience with the others). Rainbow pins are frequent, as well as mesh crop tops and pride patches on backpacks. I’m pretty sure I’ve been asked to write down my own pronouns and then my character’s. The ages of players range wildly, but there’s definitely a lot of Gen Z. I have no problem with any of this. If anything, the pronoun thing for characters makes complete sense since names can get weird or if someone is playing a different gender than what they personally are. With that said, I’ve been perplexed sometimes by some of the people who show up. 

Like how two months ago I was playing at a table with a bunch of players, and this one younger guy (I’ll call him Kevin) sat down next to me. I’d played a game with him the week before. Kevin was friendly, but I thought he was gay. As the night wore on, I became less certain of that. By the time he leaned over and asked if I wanted to talk about my shitty day, I had determined that I’d definitely made an error in judgment. He was way too interested in my life and in talking to me to be a gay guy or just looking for a friend. 

Kevin was not remotely my type, and I didn’t want to keep chatting him up with follow-up questions or anything resembling a way to keep the conversation going. So I tried to keep my answers shorter. No. I’m good. I didn’t need to share about the recent mess of a week. He pushed a little harder, and I declined again. Eventually, he asked if my kids had a dad. I kept it simple and confirmed I was married, but left out that in the last few weeks that had become an in-flux status. It had been a rough week. I wasn’t in the mood to tell anyone right then the reason why. I just wanted to shoot people with my bow and arrows and be entertained by a barbarian’s rage.

I still see Kevin at DnD nights sometimes. He hasn’t exactly been warm. I’m okay with that, but for a little while after, I was still very confused. I was convinced for a while there that Kevin was gay.

Which is why I was probably a little more uncertain with Bill. For once, I was early as I entered the Velvet Oak. Immediately, I saw Bill, and grabbed the chair next to him and started to catch up about our trips out of town. Eventually, I went to the bar and ordered some food. I don’t really drink. It’s rare for me to order alcohol at this point. Mostly because of how bad it is for you, but also because I don’t like how it makes me feel, and unless it’s a cocktail or hard lemonade filled with sugar, I don’t really like the taste either. So I either bring my own energy drink or grab a water cup with my food, which is what I did that night. Bill ordered his own, and we both caught up as we ate and waited for the DMs to split the players into groups and get the one-shots going.

I couldn’t tell how old Bill was, except he seemed slightly older than Kevin but still probably Gen Z. I was still thinking he was gay, but like Kevin, it was something I was starting to revise again. He also wasn’t really my type and was too young (sorry, Gen Z. I like millennial men who have memories of what dial-up internet sounded like). However, unlike Kevin, it turned out I had a few things in common with Bill, and he seemed perfectly happy to chat without a clear agenda. He mentioned at one point a rock climbing gym that he went to, and I immediately perked up. Rock climbing gyms in Houston are rare and expensive, or at least they were the last time I looked. He said there was one over in Katy now and knew of a few others. I’m scared of heights, but I like to climb and had taken a bouldering class in college. He told me if I was interested in going, to let him know. Bill gets bonus points though: he lives close by and he seemed keen on the idea of trying to form a group we could run a campaign with.

Regardless, like Kevin, I’m pretty sure Bill’s not gay either, and I went home very confused why I kept thinking half the guys that showed up for Barhaven DnD night were. It had to be because they were Gen Z.

This week I sent my sister, Ember, a Marco Polo about it. I said I felt like I was mentally singing “There! Right there!” in the Legally Blonde: The Musical every Friday night. The whole song is about the lawyers and Elle debating if the guy on the witness stand is either gay or European. It’s hilarious. I don’t really care if it’s politically correct or not anymore. But I messaged Ember, saying that I felt like every week I was flip-flopping back and forth, wondering if one or two of the men at the table were gay or just Gen Z? Why is this so hard? Their clothing choices were just off. Gay and Gen Z? Wait, wait. Maybe they were bisexual? But two bi bros at Barhaven seemed unlikely. Why was this so confusing? I’d never experienced getting it wrong so often. And then this past week it hit me with complete horror. They’re not gay or Gen Z. They’re liberal. 

Oh. Oh no.

This is a horrible discovery. I sent her a second video of my realization. This is how a lot (as in some, so please don’t @ me) of liberal guys dress. I do not find that attractive. At all. I don’t plan on dating anytime soon because, well, settling into a job, divorce, schedule settling, and everything else. It’s pretty low on the priority list, but I also know eventually life will calm down. But is this what a lot of liberal men look like? Look, I was conservative in college but leaning liberal. Most Mormon guys were also usually conservative. Then I got married and went the other direction politically from what I was raised. Now I’m sitting in the “meh, leave me out of it” category. So I never dated liberal men. I didn’t know. This is a problem. I explained all of this to my sister (and later my friend). She texted me back around seven laughing emoji faces. Glad I could amuse her, lol.

Both Em and Missy sent me videos back in the morning, with both of them starting off laughing, so they must have rewatched them before replying. But Em agreed. Whenever I start dating again, I probably should look for a moderate I have lots in common with because I’m doomed otherwise.

https://youtu.be/j-01cO73qRU?si=hpGjf_AxZgglRTUl